I distinctly remember, around this time last year, wondering what the new year would bring. How, if at all, my life would change. Never would I have predicted that it would bring a new home, let alone a new little person. I’m glad in a way that I can’t read ahead to find out what will happen next. If I had read this post last year I probably would have freaked out a bit, not being overly fond of dramatic change. But I’m ever so glad that it did happen. Despite the three-plus months I spent in bed being sick and utterly, utterly miserable. Despite recent complications with my health and a stay in hospital. Yes, twenty seventeen bought many changes, and my sensitive disposition might mean I need a while to adjust, but they were mostly good changes. And I don’t regret a single one of them.
I watched Lamb’s confidence blossom this year. As she became more and more comfortable with the beautiful soul that she is. Of course, it came with a side of sass and attitude that I had not seen a lot of before. It has definitely tried my patience on more than one occasion and my parenting skills have be tested like never before (and I have not always stood up to those tests). But I understand that this is normal and its what it takes for her to assert her independence and to know her own mind. In many ways I feel like I’m staring down the barrel of a teenager. It’s bittersweet to watch her start this transition but I will hold on to pieces of ‘little girl’ for as long as I can. I have to remind myself that right now she is still a child, she still likes to play with her dolls, she still wants cuddles when she is hurt or afraid, she still has one foot planted firmly in the land of make-believe.
I think, for odd some reason, I was expecting Fox to ‘mellow’ somewhat this year. For his tantrums and his intense stubbornness to calm down a bit. You know, at least a tad. Apparently I’ve learned nothing from all my years of parenting. Never expect anything. He is just as fierce and determined as ever. Perhaps more so. He is a force to be reckoned with. But he can also be heartbreakingly sweet and affectionate at the same time. Next year will be the last I have of him at home with me before he starts kindergarten in twenty nineteen. I’m determined to make the most of it, to soak him in as much as I can.