I am not OK. I haven’t been for a while. And somehow it feels so much easier saying that here on a blog that, at most, one or two strangers will read, than it is to say it to someone that I actually know. Plus, the two most important people in my life (aside from my kids) are going through so much worse right now so I try to pretend I’m OK. I’m no stranger to this place, I’ve been here before and I’ll be here again. I’m used to digging myself out of a hole. For so long now I’ve been lying in bed, wondering when or if I’ll ever get the strength to get up. But then on Wednesday, I decided to open the window to let fresh air in. On Thursday I had to accompany my husband to the doctors and while I was waiting I browsed Kmart and bought a few cheap, plastic containers to help me organise my bathroom vanity and I went home and actually did it. And today (Friday) I pushed myself to do 10 minutes of gardening (after about one hour of staring at it and feeling completely overwhelmed by the enormity of the overall task). Simple tasks, yes. But simple tasks that took all of the strength and willpower I could possibly summon. And tomorrow? Tomorrow I may just end back in bed. Or maybe I won’t. I don’t know yet, tomorrow seems too far away right now.